


the choice that was already made.

by isntmagnus



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bad Parabatai Jace Wayland, Bad Parent Asmodeus, Good Sibling Isabelle Lightwood, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e17 Heavenly Fire, Reference to 3x18, Sad Alec, True Love, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 22:43:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18456110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isntmagnus/pseuds/isntmagnus
Summary: Alec felt absolutely defeated.Break his heart to save his life, Asmodeus had said. The words were still craved in his mind, repeating over and over again.





	the choice that was already made.

Alec felt absolutely defeated. Break his heart to save his life. The words were still craved in his mind, repeating over and over again. He considered the possible decisions a million times. He could tell Magnus about it. Say that he had a deal with Asmodeus, that he could solve this. The counterpoint was that he would have to see Magnus consciously leaving him. It was selfish, it was awful, but Alec couldn’t make Magnus choose. He was too selfish to do so. He knew Magnus’ choice already. And he didn’t even know if that was considered breaking the deal.

Alec sent Magnus out with Maryse, with the excuse of letting the newly-mundanes help each other out, but Alec just needed to breathe. To think. To take in Asmodeus words and make the decision clearly. Magnus needed his magic. Alec could never take that away from him again. And that meant losing him.

Except, he couldn’t even think of one single reason to fake breaking up with Magnus. It was perfect, their relationship was perfect. Magnus was broken, but Alec could never leave him for that. He’s leaving to fix it. 

He hold onto the ring box as hard as he could. He might as well give it back to Maryse now. Jace would be the one to use it, if things with Clary went fine. Alec had his one love and now it is slipping away from him. He could never marry anyone else.

Magnus walked in their room suddenly, making Alec jump up. “Hey, Mags.”

“Hello,” he replied back. He seemed different. 

“We need to talk,” Alec was able to breathe out. Magnus moved closer, pulling Alec to him and smooching him in the lips. How could something so amazing feel so awful because of guilt? Alec asked himself. Maybe they shouldn’t talk. Maybe they should just get in the bed, have one last good time and...

“We do,” Magnus agreed. Uh, okay, this was weird, but Alec needed to stick to his plan. He only had a couple of hours now.

“Magnus, I don’t think we can do this anymore,” Alec blurted out. Think, Alec. Words, just say them. Find WORDS. It was so difficult to even think of a single possibility of reason to break up with the warlock. He just has to stick to the cliches. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“It was amazing, it really was but...” Alec, come’ ON. Say something intelligent, he implored himself. Alec couldn’t be intelligent when Magnus was around. Especially not in a time like this. “It has to be over.”

Magnus was silent. He looked straight into Alec’s eyes, but didn’t seem sad at all. He didn’t seem heartbroken. Oh god. Did Alec do this incorrectly? Now he broke up AND Asmodeus isn’t giving his magic back to Magnus.

“Why are you lying to me?” Magnus bit the words out, stepping away. Alec’s breath caught. 

“I’m not lying...” Alec tried. 

“Cut the crap, Alexander,” Magnus interrupted. “Tell me.”

“I’m telling you, we need to break up,” he hurt himself with his own words. “I don’t know why you think I’m lying.”

“Because you are,” Magnus forced out. “I know you too well, I know when you’re lying, and, by the way...”

Magnus started moving around. Went to his desk, opened up cabinets. 

“Magnus, what are you doing?”

“Wait,” he replied simply. Alec could do nothing but follow him, while the warlock made a mess out of their bedroom. Throwing pillows, crawling under the bed, looking into every single hiding spot there could possibly be. “Where is it, huh?” Magnus asked when he was standing right in front of the shadowhunter.

“Hey!” Alec shrieked when Magnus began feeling up his jacket, shirt, until he stopped at his pocket. Alec’s face fell when he realized Magnus was looking for the ring box. “What.” 

“Show it to me,” Magnus ordered. 

“Did she tell you?” Alec asked, hands still over the box in his pocket protectively. As of the secret wasn’t already out. 

“Maryse did. She thought you had already asked,” Magnus explained. “Why are you doing this, Alexander? Is it because I was late yesterday? Because I picked a fight? Because I—“ Magnus couldn’t complete his sentence. “I’m going through a hard time, but it will be harder without you...”

“I could never break up with you for that,” Alec fumed. “And trust me, I am doing this for you.”

“How so?”

“I—“ Alec mumbled. “I can’t tell you.”

“Like hell you can’t,” Magnus said word by word. Alec had never seen his boyfriend so angry. “Alexander.”

Alec realized he was staring at the ground. He looked up. “Hey.”

“What’s wrong?” Magnus softened. Alec flinched with the touch of Magnus’ hand on his face. 

“Please,” Alec begged. “Please, let me break up with you.”

Magnus breathed heavily. He held still for a couple of moments, like he was hoping that Alec would change his mind. That Alec would tell him the truth. Alec almost did, but he held still along with Magnus, until the hope in his eyes turned into something between rage and disappointment. Magnus walked away, leaving the spots he touched in Alec’s face empty and cold. 

He slid down the wall behind him as the door closed behind Magnus, like in a sad, pathetic teenage movie. In a counterpoint, Alec did feel sad and pathetic. And small. He felt like the littlest person ever. He had to live with this forever. Live without Magnus. Alec felt the weight of the world fall on his shoulders.

Isabelle walked in, unannounced, “Alec, I just talked to Magnus. What the hell?”

Alec finally realized he was sobbing against the wall of his own room. 

“Asmodeus,” he mumbled, as Izzy tried to pick him up. “Gotta’— magic back.”

“Let’s get you to the bed, okay?” Isabelle whispered softly, contrasting drastically to when she barged in his bedroom. “Can you get to bed with me? Help me out, big brother.”

Alec doesn’t remember getting up or any of the hour he spent crying himself to sleep. Isabelle even wondered if he was already sleeping as he cried. 

Izzy was already awake by morning, stroking his hair. “Hey, big brother. Ready to talk?”

Alec nodded. Jace was sitting down in a chair near the bed. The breakfast was sitting in his table. 

“Magnus couldn’t live without his magic,” Alec tried to explain, breathing in through the nose and out through the house. “I asked Asmodeus for it. Asmodeus asked me to... to break his heart.” To save his life, he completed mentally. “Asked me to break up with him. That I made him vulnerable. And so... I did.”

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Izzy asked. 

“That wasn’t part of the deal,” Alec answered.

The room went silent again, only Alec’s breathing being heard. 

“Hey, Alec, I know it’s hard for the guy, but summoning Asmodeus, that’s pretty dangerous,” Jace started. 

“Oh, shut up. I know you summoned Lilith without telling me,” Alec sneered. 

Izzy’s hands went still in his hair. “What?”

“The Institute monitors demonic activity you know? I didn’t say anything, because if I didn’t know, I didn’t have to snitch you to the Clave,” he muttered.

“Even so, we had a reason, Clary is connected to that psycho,” Jace continued.

“And Magnus doesn’t have his magic,” Alec snapped at him. 

“That’s no where near the same,” Jace grunted. 

“Why isn’t it?” Alec stood up, mad at Jace in ways he couldn’t even began to describe.

“You know why, dude.”

“I do not,” he shot back.

“Boys,” Isabelle warned.

“Magnus has depression, Jace. And he did that to save you,” Alec pointed a finger at his chest. 

Jace stood up along him. “No, he did that for you.”

“Yet, it saved you,” Alec roared. “And you have been nothing but an ungrateful bastard. You didn’t even acknowledge the amount of the sacrifice he had to make to save your ass. And now I have to summon his dad and you’re saying this isn’t as bad as Clary’s connection to a guy you have tied up in the basement right now?”

“I—“

“You know what I couldn’t propose? Because he was drunk, and depressed, and broke down in my arms. Magnus hadn’t drunk in weeks, even months,” Alec kept going. “And you’re saying this isn’t big enough?”

Jace went silent. Izzy, suddenly, was behind him, trying to calm him down with gentle touches. 

“Hey, Alec...”

“I’m stepping down as head of the Institute temporarily. Isabelle, you can replace me for some time... I can’t deal with everything right now.”

Izzy nodded, and smiled, a little breathless. “I will. For as long as you need, big brother.”

Alec smiled back to her for a moment. Only for a moment. 

The phone rang. 

Magnus was calling. 

“Should you answer it?” Isabelle asked. 

“Yeah,” Alec breathed out. “I should check if... it worked.”

Picking up the phone was the easiest thing he did so far, because it meant he could hear Magnus. He could pretend nothing happened. 

“Alec, I got my magic back. It’s my magic. It’s mine! Not Lorenzo’s... my magic.”

Alec smiled. See? He’s happy. You made the right choice. 

“That’s awesome,” Alec added. 

It was a silent for a moment. 

“You don’t seem surprised,” Magnus voice went down. 

“I am happy for you.”

“Did you do this?” “How could I have done that?” “I’m looking for an explanation, Alec. My father wouldn’t just give it back for free.”

 

“Maybe you should just celebrate it. Go out with friends,” Alec suggested. 

“I wanna go out with you,” he said.

“We can’t do that anymore.”

“He did this, didn’t he?” Magnus asked.

Alec’s brows furrowed. “Who did what?”

“My father,” Magnus bit out. “I knew that wasn’t you last night.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You sound absolutely brainwashed,” he said. 

Alec waited a bit. He could tell him now, right? It was over. Magnus had his magic. Everything is fine. 

“He didn’t do that,” Alec decided to say. “I broke things of by choice.”

“You didn’t let me have a choice.”

“Nothing would’ve happened differently.”

“You can’t trust my dad, Alexander.”

The words hurt him deeply. Alec was trying to tell himself it was the right thing, but never thought of the possibility of Asmodeus manipulating them. 

“Don’t call me that. We broke up.”

“It is still your name.”

“I have to go. I’ve got things to do.”

“You don’t sound like yourself,” Magnus commented.

I lost that when I lost you, he wanted to say.

“Goodbye,” he said. It felt too final. 

“Alec, you have to hear me. No matter what deal you made, I will not stop fighting for you. Fighting for us,” he insisted. “This isn’t over!”

“Bye,” Alec repeated, ending the call abruptly.

This really wasn’t over.

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! pls leave kudos if you liked it and support me on @isntmagnus on twt.. love yall


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